Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Playground

My Breakthrough at the Playground

My life is fairly routine, in fact almost ritualistic. The last seven days are part in parcel of what a typical week looks like in my life. I did the same thing every night for the last seven days, exactly the same thing. There was one big difference about these last seven days. The "same thing" we did every night, was a different something than usual. I spent every night this week at the playground with my two amazing boys. This was not a special playground, in fact it was pretty ordinary. It wasn't the playground that was so special, it was the moments we had inside those metal frames and plastic slides. I had some of the best moments of my life in the past week with my children at this playground, our playground.

You have to understand that I have spent the last two years, at least, trying to get Blaise to enjoy the playground. Nothing I did made a difference, he really could have cared less. Well times have certainly changed and his world is the playground, or as he calls it, "the grey ground!" I love hearing him say that word in all its mixed up glory. When he looks at me with those big beautiful blue eyes and asks me to go play with him, I just melt.

It is not just how much he loves to play there, it is that he is actually playing. How could it get better than this? He not only wants to play, but he wants to play with his brother. They run and laugh and chase each other up and down the slide. This is all that I could have ever asked for in life. These are things I think way to many of you take for granted. Please no offense to all you moms out there with "typically" developing children. I just know that as the mom of a child with special needs I rejoice in all that my children do, even the smallest and simplest of things. Every situation allows me the opportunity to learn, grow and find joy. I have never been more aware of how much I have to be thankful for in this life.


I had one of those spiritual experiences tonight, the kind that only happens a few times in your life. I was swinging on the swings with my kids. Everything about this night was perfect. The sky was perfectly blue and clear, there was a light breeze blowing and the sun was just about to set. I started swinging and I was going really fast and really high in no time. I thought for a second that I might go over the top, it made my heart race. All of a sudden I forgot where I was, or really who I was. I was zipping through the air I lost all feeling of sadness or stress, it was as if all the heaviness of my life just went away. I was so taken over by just being in that moment. I couldn't hear anything except my breath. It was the most peaceful I have been in the last decade, at least. I love that feeling, I want to recreate that feeling in my life.

This journey of manifestation that I have embarked on has not been easy. I still struggle everyday, but I am making great progress. I have never been more aware of my mind, my thoughts, my actions and so on. I felt joy again this last week. I really am loving finding my joy.

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